365 Project: Week 34

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. – Psalm 51:10

It was great to be on vacation (And hard. Little ones at the beach= an hour and a half to get the girls ready to go to the beach and then barely staying out for that long.) I was ready to come home by the end of it all, but it was hard to step back in to the busy real world of our lives.

This season of life is full! As if having two little ones wasn’t enough, I spent the evening priming bathroom trim and our mantle. Right now it feels like it’s often hard to do much more than keep our house a float and make it to work on time. Throw in extras like a sick baby, unpacking, and completing a 5 part project for Caroline’s Mother’s Day Out and I feel like I’m drowning in to-dos. “There’s just not time!” I lamented to Ben today as my emotions spiraled.

After my mini meltdown, I started thinking about the other week when a friend of mine confessed about blowing up at her kids and husband (talk about vulnerability). As we were offering words of encouragement, one friend shared that a wise woman in her small group had said that when she messes up with her family, sometimes all she can do is confess her shortcomings and ask for the grace to do the next right thing. The “next right thing” may mean something as simple as hugging her kids, reading them a story, making dinner for her family, or kissing her husband goodnight.

I think I need this reminder often. I don’t typically blow up in anger, but I injure my family when I withdraw into worry and fight for control over our messy lives. I selfishly center the day around how I can maximize alone or productive time. I’m ruled by idols of people pleasing and achievement. Instead of getting overwhelmed by the current, wild state of our lives and sitting miserably in that place, I can choose to confess my fears and anxieties and ask for the grace to do the good work right before me in that moment.

I was reminded by the sermon today that through Christ we are made new. I don’t have to white knuckle myself into being a better mom, wife, friend, or worker. We are told simply to admit our weakness and live out of Christ’s perfection that has been wrapped around us to cover our imperfection. “I’m not, but He is. I can’t, but He will.