“For my life He bled and died

Christ will hold me fast

Justice has been satisfied

He will hold me fast

Raised with Him to endless life

He will hold me fast

Till our faith is turned to sight

When he comes at last

He will hold me fast

He will hold me fast

For my Savior loves me so

He will hold me fast.

-He Will Hold Me Fast, Getty Music

I suppose I should use today to write some ode to motherhood, but to be completely honest, I’m too exhausted to go there. I’ve written on here before about how the Hoagland household is enduring a rocky season of life right now. We received a heavy new blow when Ben’s beloved Pop had a massive hemorrhagic stroke on Tuesday. His status has gone up and down all week. We have swung between bitter grief and hesitant hope and back again. Ben has put in many miles driving between work, Huntsville Hospital, and our new house.

We have spent much of the week pondering the fragility of life. We have discussed our own end of life wishes. Rough memories from my past losses have been dragged to the surface. This Mother’s Day falls on what would have been my older brother’s 34th birthday.

And so, Ben and I cried through the worship service at church today. The song I quoted at the top really got the tears streaming (and was then followed by the greeting time, of course.) Other than the pictures I took with my sweet babies, we didn’t really celebrate Mother’s Day today.

But, I am so thankful for and lifted by the unfiltered joy my girls have expressed all week. Margaret has really figured out how to roll over and thinks it’s the best thing ever. Caroline stole my colander and has been wearing it around the house on her head, claiming she’s a farmer and it’s her farm hat.

I am also thankful for my mother who spent Mother’s Day selflessly painting window trim at my house. And for Ben’s mother who taught him to love well and who showers my girls with attention and affection.